GUIDE TO INTERNET COOLNESS

"Oh man!" – You wonder – "I'm joining this neat art site, but I don't know how to be cool! Whatever will I do to fit in with the cool cats??" Well, look no further, for you have found the Guide to Internet Coolness! Just follow the instructions in this guide, and you will soon be The Coolest Dude! You'll be the most Alpha person on the Internet!

1. Be as rude as you can: You MUST be rude to everyone about every little thing ever. Remember the guy that kicks your ass every day at school? He's popular, and he's mean, so common sense dictates that Mean = Popular! Easy as that! Didn't like someone's art? Bash it. Don't share someone's opinion? Be sure to let them know in the meanest way possible. On the Internet, everyone, and I can't stress this enough, EVERYONE cares about your say on the matter, so be sure to leave a comment to absolutely everything you come across.  It's important that you use piss poor grammar for bonus points, which brings us to our next point…

2. Horrible grammar will get you girls: Now, let me ask you something: Are you one of those sheeple that uses correct grammar or are you an Alpha Male who doesn't care for social conventions? Exactly. Not only does horrid grammar look kewl and l33t, but it also proves to evry1 else that your indeed an ignorant imbecile leader and you mean buisnes. (PROTIP: For extra Alpha points, you must use "your" when
"you're" is due and vice versa.)

3. Winners overreact: What is this!? Oh, this asshole did NOT just give you encouragement and constructive criticism!  Unforgivable! How dare ANYONE pretend to know more than you?? Close-minded nimrods!  You MUST establish your internet superiority!  Luckily for you, my cool Alpha friend, there are many ways to go about this:

3a: Name-calling: Time to show off your razor-sharp wit! Nothing screams "I AM MATURE" louder than calling someone a "fag"! Don't you feel your I.Q. dropping? your E-penis growing?? It's obvious that if you call your enemy names, you're establishing how smarter and superior you are. If they say something along the lines of "Okay, you're immature and I will no longer try and communicate with you", this means that you just owned that bitch so hard he will never cross your e-path again. Complete and utter victory. (PROTIP: Following your total victory, you should make a journal and tell everybody about it. We care about this things.)

3b. The "Fuck-you-and-Block-you": If you're a really intelligent strategist (and you are), you will use every tool at your disposal to show everyone how cool and Alpha you are. I mean, E-reputation is incredibly important, right? Anyway, to the point: The "Fuck-you-and-Block-you" is an advanced cool technique and should be handled with care: You do everything that you did in 3a. but now you block the enemy from ever commenting in your art and main page again. Not only is this an incredible display of maturity, but it also lets us know how cunning and clever you are, you manly stud muffin, you.

3c. Real men threaten people: Oh my, your enemy is apparently well versed in the ways of Cool Fu, and it seems your name calling is not doing anything! Egad, your position as Alpha E-male has been compromised! Time to resort to the Ultimate Cooltech: Threaten to beat them up… In Real Life! Just say something along the lines of "I'm super buff and go to the gym 8 days a week! I'll beat you up!" or "Oh, so you like to call me shit on the internet?? How about you say that to my face! I'll break it!" and your opponent is guaranteed to laugh his ass off at the pathetic charade that is your existence cower in fear at the mere thought of your skinny ass nerd body the mountain of testosterone and muscles that is your body. (PROTIP: For major Alpha points, you must declare knowledge of Martial Arts. Just say "I'm a black belt in karate, ninja and origami" and your opponent will get on his knees and pray that you don't smite him with your might.)

4. ALL CAPS is cruise control for Cool: If you ever need to raise your voice in the internet and look seriously retarded deadly, click that button on the side of the keyboard, yeS THAT ONE AND LET OUT THE FURY! NOW YOUR COMMENTS ARE AT LEAST A 500% MORE FACTUAL AND EVERYTHING ANYBODY ELSE SAYS IS REDUCED TO "UTTER BULLSHIT". OH MAN, WHO WOULD OF HAVE THOUGHT BEING COOL ON THE INTERNET WAS SO EASY!

5. They are just jealous: Another very important thing to know when dealing with the peasants on the Internet is that they are all jealous of you. God, even I am jealous! Since you're obviously the most important person on the Internet and we all care about what you think, anything ANYONE ever says that doesn't translate to "I love you please bed my sister" is obviously jealousy of the highest degree. They didn't compliment you, so they MUST be jealous of your incredibly Alpha Sonic recolor that you spent a solid 4 minutes recoloring. But don't worry, they are easily dealt with: Just tell them "you're all just jealous because my art is cool and you'res sucks balls, fag. lol I owned u". Oh man I wish I were half as cool as you right now.

6. You > Trolls: Inevitably, someone as Cool and Alpha as you will be targeted by trolls. Trolls are people that live under the bridge and they say mean things to people. We already established that Mean = Popular, so these guys are a threat to your Alphaness, and thus, must be dealt with. When you are targeted by a troll, you MUST respond in kind and let them know that you're the big cat around these parts. After you pour all your nerdmanlyrage into a single comment full of bad grammar, ALL CAPS and threats, you must show the trolls that you don't care about anything they say to you… And what better way to do this than to make a very lengthy journal and an accompanying YouTube video about how the trolls will not get to you! That'll show them how much you don't care about them! (PROTIP: If you want extra Alpha points, you must also threaten to leave dA FOREVER! to show them how much you don't care about them.)

And that's all you need to know, ever! Follow these step and soon you will be The Coolest Dude! and the most Alpha man around DeviantArt! Remember, you're the center of the Universe and we are all here for your amusement! Have a good day and a great Internet life!